As has been pointed out in song some time ago, “The times, they are a-changing.” Before the feminist movement, it was automatic for someone to write “he” when referring to a person of non-specific gender. That person might as easily be a woman (or girl), but as long as it wasn’t a definite reference to a female, “he” was the way to go.
Then the feminist movement (or what was at the time called “Women’s Lib”) erupted, and it became almost de rigeur to say “he/she” or “he or she.” (We also changed “mankind” to “humankind,” “stewardess” to “flight attendant,” and “waitress” to “server,” but those changes are beside the point of this essay.)
One editor, working over one of my books and rightfully unhappy with the clunkiness of “he/she” throughout it, changed it so that every other reference was “he,” and alternately every other reference was “she.” To me, that seemed just as forced and awkward.
Now comes the third wave, when the third-person singular gender-indefinite “they,” while grammatically incorrect, is becoming more and more allowable. I see it pop up more and more in books, although editors who are purists still decry it. And they do have grammarians on their side. But it’s PC, it’s not clunky, it’s not sexist—and it crops up more and more.
Myself, I’m on the fence. Sometimes I use “he/she” and sometimes I do use “they.” In editing, sometimes I allow the third-person singular gender-indefinite “they” and sometimes I don’t. It depends in part on where and what I’m writing, or what I’m editing.
The third-person singular gender-indefinite “they” (and “their” and “them”) certainly sound natural. There’s no arguing that most of us use these forms in everyday speech, as in: “Someone once told me that, but I don’t know if they were serious when they said it.” You really wouldn’t say, “Someone once told me that, but I don’t know if he or she was serious when he or she said it.” Ouch! How awkward!
There are times when it’s not even PC to say “he” yet impolitic to say “he or she.” I recall talking to someone I thought was gay, though I wasn’t certain. He said something—I don’t remember now precisely what—relative to romance or couple hood or dating or some such, and in responding, I didn’t want to use the female “she,” yet, not being sure my gaydar was spot-on, I hesitated to use the male “he,” and saying “he or she” was impolitic and would have sounded like I was fishing. “They” was the best fall-back.
It came off my tongue naturally and without provoking comment or a raised eyebrow. Why shouldn’t we do the same in writing?
Although I may not always allow it in my own writing or my editing, I’m all for the third-person singular “they.”
But if anyone disagrees with me, they are welcome to write in and say so. J